MEET TARYN GAUDIN

Why I became a Holistic Physio

Six weeks after giving birth I started running again. Fourteen months later I was representing Australia at The Triathlon Age Group World Championships in Chicago. Even though I was a first-time mother and tired as hell with a baby who didn’t sleep, I got there through the determination, discipline, and dedication that had seen me a national-level gymnast at 12 years of age. Just months after giving birth I felt strong, fit, and fast. I was proud of what my body could do, and for a fleeting moment, I was happy with how my body looked. But soon enough the strong self-criticism and self-evaluation returned. But I didn’t want to go back to that place, I was determined not to.

The birth of my first child was a strong catalyst that caused me to stop and look at my life and my relationship with myself and my body. The birth of my second child and the persistent, all-consuming pelvic pain I experienced was pivotal in helping me to create a new relationship with myself, and my body. The pain was physically and emotionally exhausting. In search of a way to fix my pain, my first point of call was to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist. Alongside my physio, I saw a naturopath, took Chinese medicines, and had acupuncture therapy. The pain continued without any real improvement. Months later, I was referred to a specialist Urologist Gynaecologist. I underwent laparoscopic surgery to investigate the cause of my pain, only to find nothing.

I felt burnt-out, frustrated, and as though my body was failing me. One day I became so exhausted from trying to “fix” my pain (and my life) that I simply decided to stop fighting against my body and to try and work with it. I decided to tune in and let my body lead the way, rather than trying to find a way to fix it. This was the beginning of an incredible journey where I recreated my entire relationship with myself and with my body. It would also be the pathway to finding the missing links of how I wanted to work with women, and how I could find the sense of ease I was yearning for in my work and in my life.

Once I had decided to simply be in my body, and let it be my guide, the layers of all the ways that I had been betraying myself, and my body, began to show. Not immediately of course, but bit by bit. With my acceptance of my pelvic pain, I was able to see that even though I was a physiotherapist and had a good understanding of the human body, and even though I was an athlete and I had an acute awareness of how my body moved physically and worked functionally, there were still so many ways I forced my body to do things that were depleting my energy by pushing on even when I was utterly exhausted. I began to realise that during all of the effort, a stream of self-criticism played on repeat; a constant evaluation that always read ‘not good enough’. I was tired, and my pelvic tension was my body’s way of finally getting my attention. 

Like so many women, throughout my lifetime I had constantly ignored, criticised, and buried parts of who I am, and now in this new phase of my life, I had a deep desire to reconnect with those parts of me. I believe my body was calling for me to soften – to become more kind and gentle with myself, and to tune into myself on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. 

I began to rebuild the foundations of my mind-body connection, firstly by agreeing to listen to my body. I began tuning in to my body and asking how it felt and what it needed. To describe my journey is challenging because, like life itself, it was dynamic. There was no linear path. There were surges of growth, followed by long pauses of integration, huge a-ha moments, and lengthy periods of confusion. I spent a lot of time feeling like I was getting nowhere. The entire time though, I allowed myself to follow the thread of possibility, letting each clue lead to the next, and over time I began to understand my rhythm, my body, my nature, and what I needed to nourish my whole self. I learned the art of slow living, and practising self-compassion. I began embracing all of myself, particularly the softer, slower, and simpler feminine aspects that I had suppressed for such a long time. I began cultivating a lifestyle and working with women in a way that was completely unique to me.